THAT DAMNED CLOCK!
My biological clocked started ticking at 47! It wasn’t the typical child-bearing clock that a lot of women experience, and that a lot of men aren’t thrilled to hear about. THAT particular clock totally bypassed me, but I have two sons anyway! It was the clock that said loud and clear, “you will be 50 in a few years and while you have done many things, you have done not one thing that you REALLY wanted to do”. I’d fallen into every job I’d ever had over the course of my 34 year work history. I started college with a goal in mind, and two unplanned pregnancies changed the course of my life! I learned that the direction I was heading in, Criminal Justice, was not really conducive for my single parent lifestyle. I was crushed when the FBI informed me that travel in my chosen field typically happened every two years. It was bad enough that I would have to start over every two years in a new location (I dislike change!), but putting my kids through that just didn’t seem fair. I couldn’t put my wants in front of what was best for my children. I changed course and made my children the priority. Frankly, it still stings a little, even though it was the right thing to do. Unplanned would not mean un-cared for, single parent or not.
I spent the next 28 years accepting jobs mainly based on whether or not I could afford to take care of my children on the salary. Liking the job never factored into the equation, whether I could tolerate it came up only a few times. It was truly just a matter of survival. I’d made them, I was taking care of them! Fast forward to age 47 and an unexpected clock emerging from I don’t know where! The sound was deafening, and got louder and louder as time passed. I ignored it as long as I could! Finally on January 1st, 2014, I couldn’t ignore the nagging clock any longer. It had gotten so loud that I couldn’t sleep at night. It was like the wife that continually nagged her husband after work regarding the items on her honey-do list, that weren’t getting done. Or the mother nagging the children daily to clean the bathroom, or take the trash out. (Side-bar: we usually only start the nagging AFTER the fifth ignored request, lol). I couldn’t ignore it any longer, so DECIDED it was time to focus on change. I had settled in every area of my life, and knew the clock was ticking for a reason. It was no longer serving me to tune out the sounds of THAT DAMNED CLOCK!