The Daily Post Word Of The Day:
I’ve intentionally become a ghost of my former self. I spent many years being a victim of my circumstances, accepting situations and even people in my life that were not in my best interest. Of course I didn’t know it at that time, it took years before I learned that valuable lesson. It often took removing myself from a situation (voluntarily, or sometimes it happened involuntarily, which wasn’t always a bad thing!), in order to see situations for what they really were. I remember thinking at some point in my thirties that I didn’t like the person I had become. I’d done things I wasn’t too proud of, and at some point it didn’t really matter that other people didn’t know, I knew! My transformation from my former self is still a work in progress and always will be. I will never “arrive”, making the right decisions at all times, reaching that level of perfection others strive to reach. I will just focus on being a better person than I was yesterday, and learn the lesson For me. However, I am proud of the person I’ve become so far.
Here are some of my own life lessons that hit me like a ton of bricks:
1)Once I turned 21 (maybe even 18, depending on your maturity level!), I was too old to blame my parents for every single bad decision I made for the rest of my life. At some point that got old, and I feel sorry for people walking around in their adulthood, still blaming their parents for life not going as they planned. I learned late in life that I and I alone am in control of my life. My future didn’t have to be determined by my past! I had choices, and letting go of the past was only stopping me from moving forward. Staying in the victim role was detrimental to my health! A parent can only teach us something they’ve already learned, and give us the skills needed to function as an emotionally healthy adult IF they received them. Sometimes they simply can’t give us the love and acceptance we desire because they never received it. For me, staying in the victim role got old and no longer served a purpose in my life. My mother did the best with the information she had at that time. The end.
2)Everyone has some sort of dysfunction in their family (this one was actually a relief, lol!), and it IS what it IS! I also learned that I don’t have to feel guilty about refusing to sit in that dysfunction with someone, even if it is a relative. Once I decide to move forward, I don’t want to revisit it each time I interact with the person stuck in that story. It’s not good for MY mental. No matter who it is, if I feel some sort of way after each interaction someone, I have to love them from afar.
3)Excuses are the steps that failures are built upon. I can make all of the excuses in the world, and I still won’t reach my goal. They eventually became a waste of time for me. I can decide not to go to the gym and workout this morning because I’m tired, but my fat doesn’t care and the results will always be the same regardless of the reason. Additional weight gain. That doesn’t mean I don’t always do something I planned to do, and that things don’t come up, or sometimes I don’t just say screw it, it’s not happening today. I just don’t make an excuse for it. I have those days in which I don’t get dressed, and just put on Netflix so I can binge on Breaking Bad! It was just a choice, not an excuse.
4)Number three was so deep that I am repeating it again. Excuses serve no purpose in my life. They only stop me from getting what I want out of life.
5)We teach people how to treat us. If I keep allowing others to devalue me, they will do it every time. This one actually stung a little! I didn’t learn this gem of a lesson until my late forties (and JUST turned 50 so I am a slow learner)! I can’t expect others to treat me the way I treat them! That was a really hard lesson to learn when it came to relationships. Eventually, however, I got it and becoming a GHOST in a sour relationship was another valuable lesson learned!
6) Another valuable less learned late in my life is that your opinion of me isn’t my business, and doesn’t have to become my truth. Eventually I got to the place in which I could say, “frankly my darling, I don’t give a damn!” If you spend enough time around people that hate themselves, they will have you doing the same thing! These people can do ME a favor and become a GHOST!