When the arguments became less about minor annoyances that all married couples fight about, and more about the lack of willingness to plan for our financial future, I knew it was time to let the marriage go. It wasn’t an immediate, or easy decision to make. When I said I do for better or for worse, this time, I meant it. I figured a good rule of thumb was to find a middle ground when issues came up that we could not agree upon. No one person would receive their way all the time, especially me (I thought I should the first time we were married). However, a shift in priorities took place for me as we aged, but not for him. While I began focusing on my financial future much too late in the game, he never did at all.To him, life insurance was just an extra bill that limited the amount of discretionary income we could have fun with, not a responsible plan to ensure your spouse is taken care of upon your death. He wanted to have fun now and live like The middle class Joneses. I couldn’t enjoy any trips or have fun spending at all without literally visualizing money going down the toilet. I no longer agreed to borrowing money from family when emergencies came up. Call me picky, but I felt that two adults with jobs needed to have a savings accounts.
Since we couldn’t agree on a middle ground when it came to the importance of a financial future, my plan became to work hard while my body could handle it and pay off the house early. I was trying to compensate since there was no way to catch up on his retirement at all based on his age. Especially since it wasn’t a priority for him. It was also the only hope I had of MY not working until I dropped dead and his plan wasn’t appealing to me. At one point when I asked what his retirement plan would be since he didn’t want to save, his answer was to just work until he dropped dead. I wasn’t amused. At first I thought he just said that because he was pissed off and tired of the arguments. I was terrified when I figured out that REALLY was the plan! I was carrying dead weight and the load became too heavy. What did it say about the value of our relationship when my partner with no retirement and one job was fine with watching me work three jobs (starting one at 4am no less!) to take up the slack. Peace of mind became MY priority and I finally figured out that it was time to stop arguing and move on.
juantetcts 
Wow! That was truly deep and right on target.
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Thank you! Similar experience?
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I believe much of what you wrote. For example, I believe in saving for the future and marriage is teamwork. Yes…I have been in relationships when I needed to move on because of disagreements with principles I held.
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Thank you for sharing!
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Your insightful writing really spoke to me today. I watch my mother (who’s in her mid-60’s) struggling daily because she and my father separated several years ago. She wanted to make a plan so that they could enjoy their twilight years together…he had no interest in it at all. In the end, it became painfully clear how unsuited they were for each other and they broke apart. I just hope and pray that she learns of and finds the strength to move on like you say.
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I hope so as well. It wasn’t easy but I decided if I were going to struggle in my later years, I would struggle alone. We all have to decide what’s worth the consequences of our actions. For me, I didn’t want to live with the resentment I knew would only build up over time.
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