Daily Post:Trust


When I decided to dip only my big toe into the dating field again (taking it slow with only the toe in the beginning), a main concern was the ability to trust. Although I previously asked my partner (on several occasions) to re-examine the relationship and let me know if he wanted to part ways,  (I’d changed and my biological clock said it’s time to grow up and plan for retirement ) he did not. He chose,  instead,  to make choices that forced me to dissolve the marriage.  While that ending is an unpleasant (and frankly unnecessary as I was willing to part ways if I were no longer his cup of tea) memory,  I don’t believe that a healthy relationship can exist without trust. Rather than jumping into a new relationship, I waited until I felt I had the ability to trust again. While on my hiatus, I started looking at trust in an entirely different light. I learned that trust needs to really start with me. I looked at past relationships (to learn what my part was, because we always have a part) and the common denominator was completely overlooking my own initial red flags. I can’t even count the times my second thought after the flag was, “but he is soooooo nice!”

I’m not sure why that happens, as if being nice is the key indicator of a successful relationship. I’m not saying it’s not an important quality, just sharing my personal realization that it takes a lot more than niceties to make a relationship work. I also had to look at my definition of nice.  In the past if they supplied me with gifts, that was all it took. Several times I realized, too late of course (because that was how I rolled), that while they wined and dined me,  they were not fiscally responsible. To bypass paying bills in order to make frivolous purchases is a bad sign. That nice person was actually buying my love, and it worked.  As I’ve aged, my idea of romance is not what you can purchase for me today, but how willing you are to plan for our future together, making sure I am taken care of in life, and in death. Sitting down with me to make a budget is probably now one of the sexiest things a man can ever do (behind being a lover of Christ). I will, however,  always consider men in my Step Aerobics and  Zumba classes extremely sexy! Sometimes trust doesn’t have to become an issue, if we have those crucial conversations in the beginning!

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