I’ve learned that there is a good time, as well as bad, to elicit a response. The worst times are when I am angry, hungry, tired or hurt. During any of these volatile situations I am not listening to hear, but rather distracted by any or all of those emotions or feelings. I’m more likely to be reactive and listen to respond (in the past I’ve been known to go back upwards of 10 years to sum up all I’ve been angry about but never said), instead of listening to understand as is appropriate.
Once this lesson was learned (the hard way), I decided it was better to schedule the argument, literally. I know I can’t discuss hot topics when any of the above emotions are present. The best time to elicit a response is when I am calm and level-headed, which will allow me to focus on the facts and not try to keep score on who comes up with the best insults. (my mama and my kids are off-limits!). I also need to leave FEELINGS out of the conversation, when it’s more appropriate to discuss facts. No one can make me FEEL a certain way, if I don’t allow it.
I’ve attached a great article on choosing to be right, versus choosing to be happy. Please share your thoughts!