The first half of my life was lukewarm. I just existed, reacting to life as it happened. I fell into jobs, relationships and situations I simply didn’t belong in, and promptly suffered the consequences of my decisions. I sometimes wonder if this is a trait of mothers, only waking up to possibilities after our kids are grown and gone. Ensuring everyone else in the family has what they need leaves us no time for self-care. Maybe we don’t even think we deserve it simply because we made the choice to have families. The mother becomes a martyr.
Life is different for me now. I’m happier since making the decision to take control of my life and no longer allow others to dictate my future. People had the nasty habit of talking me out of my dreams, and I allowed it to happen.
A major epiphany for me was the choice to no longer allow mistakes to control my future. When I made them in the past I would just live in them, thinking it was my fault for not making the right choice. That meant I just needed to grin and bear it. That manner of thinking no longer serves my life purpose. Now I take the message from the mess, clean it up to the best of my ability, apologize if needed, and move on. Living a lukewarm life is no longer on my agenda. I’ve finally arrived.