My baby graduated from college last year with a B.S. Degree in Mechanical Engineering (still ISO employment so feel free to share!), and NO STUDENT LOAN DEBT. I was one proud mom but also physically and mentally exhausted, feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from my chest on graduation day. I exhaled deeply at the end of the ceremony, realizing I had been holding my breath for 22 years. My son and I had both willingly sacrificed for his future, mainly time (I worked three jobs and he worked two while attending college full-time), and sleep became something we put on the back-burner because there was no room for it.
It wasn’t until my son walked across that stage as a fully grown man that I realized I’d sacrificed more than I had even been aware of. My heart had unknowingly protected me all these years, severing the lines of communication between my head (the voice of reason) and my heart (the place where dreams are created) to keep my priorities in check. I was numb to the sensations of dreams quietly dying inside of me after finding out that I was having a baby. I remember being devastated once my FBI interview was complete, reluctantly accepting that my dream career was not compatible with the lifestyle of a single mother with relocation averaging every two years. The baby was growing, and hope was simultaneously dying inside of me.
While my dream of working for the FBI has long been over, I enjoy solving crimes from the treadmill at the gym via my favorite crime shows. What I came to realize, thankfully, was that life wasn’t over, it just had other plans. The door to the FBI might have closed, but there were other doors that could lead to fulfillment if I were brave enough to step through to the other side!
I went back to school at 49 to obtain my Life Coach Certification, graduating from the Southwest Institute Of The Healing Arts the same month my son graduated from college! I gave myself permission to not only hope again, but to also leave behind baggage that no longer serves my purpose! It’s a fabulous feeling!