I’m guilty of this, over thinking. Usually it happens after I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth and words slipped out like they have a mind of their own, bypassing the self-imposed filter I’ve learned works well for my Type A personality. Other times it happens when I’ve made a decision and then later changed my mind after ruminating too long. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision after all. What would happen had I chosen the decision behind Door B, instead of Door A. What about the decision behind Door C which I immediately dismissed as unacceptable but after even more rumination (on a day off with even more time to think!), maybe it was the best choice after all.
I sometimes slip into FEAR (Future Events Appearing Real), wasting enough energy to set off an atomic bomb trying to figure out the possible scenarios and the appropriate response to at least the first one thousand options in case they materialize. I like to be prepared.
Because this is something I know I have an issue with, I’ve taken action and developed a back up plan. I also have a back up plan for the back up plan since I am Type A, lol. My disclaimer is that this doesn’t ALWAYS work, but it does 90% of the time and I will continually be a work in progress. Progress, not perfection is always my goal at everything.
1. I allow myself 24-48 hours of victim mentality. The pity train HAS to happen in order for me to move on. Well meaning people have the tendency to say “it isn’t big deal just let it go”. It’s possible that it is because it didn’t happen to them, but there I go ruminating again! I respectfully disagree with their input knowing whats best for me which is limiting the pity party but allowing it to happen. My train MUST leave the station and have time to reach a few destinations before I derail it.
2. After the allotted time period (based on the level of intensity of the foot in mouth syndrome) I have a reality check. I can’t go back in time and change what was said, although a good rule of thumb is to go back and make amends if needed. I also ease the emotional torture by reminding myself from personal experience that most of the things I THOUGHT would happen in the past, never really happened at all. I’d wasted a lot of energy staying stuck in a moment of time that served no purpose.
3. Lastly, I think about whether or not this decision will even make a difference in another year, or maybe even another 6 months! Most of the time it won’t, so I need to take a message from the mess and move on.