My name is JT, and I’m a recovering control-a-holic. I like to tell people what to do, the best solutions to their problems, and if I don’t think your idea will work, I am always willing to show you a better way. With or without your permission. I simply know what’s best for everyone on the planet. Or so I thought. Thankfully there are meetings to help with this disease, lol.
It wasn’t until I crawled into the rooms of Al-Anon waving the white flag in defeat, that I realized I had a control problem. Truth be told, I didn’t even realize it then. I was gently informed but STILL pissed off when it finally sunk in. It was so subtle I almost missed it, lol. When I agreed to attend my first meeting, I was under the illusion that I would receive step by step instruction on how to control someone I loved. I remember an addict telling me about the Al-Anon meeting. His exact words were, “there are meetings for people like you!”. At that time, I didn’t know what he meant or I would have been insulted, lol. I saw red when I realized they thought I was the one with the problem, lol. Clearly, I wasn’t the one with the addiction, or was I? I thought about not returning to a second meeting, but what if-itis nagged at me. What IF they were right? I was obligated to find out.
Long story short, once I accepted my truth I started working through the Al-Anon 12 Step Program with a sponsor. I learned that at the root of my control issues was FEAR. Future Events “Appearing” Real. I had to face my own greatest fears and learned that acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. Until a person hits their bottom, nothing changes regardless of what I say or do. In fact, my interference only made matters worst and strained relationships. I now work daily on allowing others the dignity to make their own decisions, and mistakes. Focusing only on what I CAN control, myself, is all that I need to do. One day at a time.