Revelations are like immediate and unexpected spiritual downloads when they occur. They represent growth, and at times can leave scars. The epiphany itself is not usually the first time I’ve contemplated that actual thought. Ordinarily I’ve been on overdrive, marinating in it far longer than I should have simply because the outcome is not within my control. Sometimes I just pretend it is, which can wreak even more havoc the longer I stay in denial. This weeks revelation is that I will always be a mother, no matter how old my children are. It stung a little as my bundles of joy are 23 and 29, but the upside is that it was more like a bee sting than a scorpion bite. It could have been worse!
Motherhood represents a lifelong, full-time job that parents are never compensated for. I didn’t even appreciate my mother fully until I had children of my own! On the job training helped me stay above the curve, but it didn’t address every obstacle I would face as a parent. A few times I’ve had to wing this motherhood thing, and prayed that the situation turned out well. I only know it was the right decision when all is said and done and I haven’t accrued casualties along the way. I have to admit, however, that I’ve been wrong on several occasions while my kids were still directly impacted by my choices. I haven’t noticed any major scarring, so I must have made more good decisions than bad.
At 50, even though my heart and soul whispers I have a right to be selfish (after working 2-3 jobs at one time for nearly thirty years) and live without disruptions from their peronsal choices, I realize it’s a blessing that my children know they can, and are comfortable coming to me for guidance. It’s not easy for them since I’m a female, AND their mother!). After searching for it, I was able to let go of my selfish attitude and detech the bright side. Interactions with my adult children allows the opportunity to teach them life lessons picked up (most learned the hard way!) on my quest to becoming a responsible parent, adult and a person of character. There is no place I’d rather be than holding space for them and available for advice as they navigate this thing called life.