A year ago I had a three-some and submerged my mind, body and soul into the world of dating. It was a culture shock. The water was freezing and I broke out in a cold sweat each time I received a request for conversation. It had been several years since I’d even been in the presence of a man I wasn’t working with and even if my knight in shining armor had fallen out of the sky back then I wouldn’t have noticed. I jokingly say I have more male hormones than any woman should be allowed, and admittingly there is a little bit of truth in it even though I’m working hard to release them! I didn’t enjoy carrying the emotional physical weight in relationships simply because I could bear the burden. I carried the weight for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be a woman. When asked about a nickname, rather than saying A-D (my sons nicknamed me the “Alpha Dog”), which is really fitting, I suggest JT. It’s a lot easier to explain and less scary!
It had been over a decade since I dated someone I hadn’t been married too before (blog for another day, lol) which meant I had a lot to learn. I immediately read dating do’s and don’ts. Almost two years later I’ve read every article I come across and am still confused.Determined to learn as much as I can so that I stick my foot in my mouth less (and less) each time I date, I skim advice each time I come across it. I hate to do things half-assed and dating literally feels like on-the-job-training! I loved what Tim Tivo shared in an interview. “Not only is it waiting on God for the right person, it’s using that time to become the right person”. My dating experiences are challenging me to grow, and slowing melting away the rough edges formed by past experiences. When the time is right, I will be right.
While perusing Facebook, I came across the perfect post on dating rules written by Ann Cabano! I had a full-blown lightbulb moment, not just a flicker! I’m sharing for anyone that might be as perplexed as I am! This is a long read and worth the time! I can totally relate to Ann when she begins her response to lessons learned (Dude.WTF).
Last year I did some research on the rules of dating…
Don’t act like you are desperate.
Don’t act so independent that they think you don’t need them.
Make sure you aren’t needy. If they touch you they are interested. If they touch you on the lower back or knee, they are for sure interested.If they talk about other women they are not interested, even if they touch you. If they are touchy people they are just touching you because they are touchy people. If you dress feminine you are more approachable. Don’t dress too sexy unless it’s a hook up. Don’t dress too casual or they will think you are not interested .Don’t be so available or they will lose interest. Look them in they eyes. If you look them in the eyes too long they will think you want to have sex. If they tell you they love you, you are in the friend zone. If you are not friends first they will only consider you hook up material. It’s important to be friends first. It’s important to make sure you are sexually compatible before you invest too much time in friendship. If you go out to lunch, it’s just friends. If you go to dinner they are interested in you. If they hang out after dinner a long time to talk, they are desperate. If they hang out and talk after dinner, they just want to hook up. If they hang out and talk after dinner they are willing to invest time in you. If you go to coffee it’s business. If they call you dude you are just a friend. If any part of their body is pointing at you they are interested. If they touch their belt-line they are interested in sex. If they puff their chest out they are interested in you. If they invite you out to be social they may be desperate. If they invite you out to be social they want to spend time with you. If other people are invited along they aren’t interested in anything more than friendship. If they use emojis they are players. Uncross your arms or they think you’re not approachable. Touch them back, but only on the shoulder or hand or they think you want to hook up. Don’t touch them too much or they’ll think your needy. Pick lint off their shirt and bat your eyes and they will know your interested.If they are really interested in you they will act indifferent and behave like they don’t like you so they don’t look needy. If they are really interested they will compliment your passion. If they are really interested in sex they will compliment your appearance a lot. If they compliment you too much they are desperate. If they don’t compliment you they are too into themselves. If it’s too easy they won’t be interested. If it’s too hard they will think you aren’t interested. If you are ‘talking’ you are dating. If you are ‘dating’ you are not ‘talking’. If you are ‘talking’ you are not friends because you are gauging if you like each other, but that also means you are not dating. If you invite them over to watch Netflix and chill, they want to hook up…..
I’m extremely independent.
Totally socially awkward.
Not desperate. Not lonely.
Which doesn’t mean not interested.
Sometimes I like chucks.
Sometimes I like heels.
Most times I am a slob.
I freaking love coffee.
I love food I’ve not prepared… in the morning and at night and anytime really because I dislike cooking.
I lavish the people in my life that I care about with love and compliments and support and tons of conversation and time and presence and touching and I don’t care what it looks like because it’s how I feel and I want you in my life.
I only respond to blunt and straightforward romantic interest anyway, so if there isn’t any of that, there isn’t any of THAT. (I know, I know…there goes the hunt)
It is no wonder there is so much game playing and confusion and so many crossed signals…
My friend asked me tonight why I’m not dating anyone and I told him it was because I didn’t like all the damn rules….He said “Ann, let me offer you some advice, stop being so independent because it sends the wrong signal…” 👊👍
True. Story. People.
If you actually made it through this ENTIRE post you are my long-lost soul mate
To learn more about Ann, follow this link: http://www.the justbeloveproject.com/team.php