I was foggy as I left the physicians office last week, unable to think clearly after news that threatened a short bout of depression. I allow 48 hours for my pity parties and then have two options (self-imposed ritual so I am not stuck in a negative space so long I start to grow roots). I either come up with a plan if it’s something I can control, or accept that it’s not and stop bitching about it. I can’t stay on the fence about the situation and allow it to dominate every other area of my life. I must re-gain control, over me! My sanity depends on it!
I initially went to wish my favorite doc (podiatrist) the best of luck on his unexpected retirement. He had complained about the rise in his blood pressure over the mounds of paperwork required once the Healthcare Reform Act was enforced so I thought that was the reason for his abrupt departure. Our relationship surpassed patient/doctor and became mutual respect/friendship over the years based on my many visits. I saw him so much I felt like a groupie! We had many intimate discussions about my bunionectomy, toe joint implant, orthotics, and the other challenges caused by my body rebelling against genetics and the many foreign invasions. I left with the news of two additional surgeries suggested (one for sure) if I desired to continue on with my current level of activity.
That wouldn’t be a problem if I were still dating my couch 70 pounds ago. Twelve years ago I would have welcomed this opportunity to re-kindle my passion with the sofa for the 4-6 weeks of healing each procedure will require. Now, this news feels like losing a best friend. Exercise is my lifeline. It’s my answer to stress when I am overwhelmed, and my prevention plan for the many obesity related illnesses that plague my family. 99% of my family was diagnosed with diabetes by age 40. I was age 39 in the photo on the left, and 49 on the right. Exercise has done wonders for not only my physical appearance but also my mental health. Do I love it, no! However, I love the benefits it provides (so much unrelated to my weight!). I can’t imagine not ever witnessing a sunrise while hiking or lifting weights again so surgery is in the cards. I also love the relationships I developed with my sons, finally being able to hike and work out with them after they became adults. All I had the energy for was sitting on a bench watching them participate in sports while they were children. Weight loss was empowering (for me).
My 48-hour pity party is over so now I am developing a plan. My weight loss method of choice was Weight Watchers because diets never worked for me. I’m grateful for that program because I didn’t have to break up with any of my favorite foods. I learned how to work them into my life with a strategy (moving more is part of that strategy). My plan for surgery is to have them both in 2018 and I picked up a Weight Watcher cookbook (I hate to cook but will when it’s absolutely necessary!) so I can master a few recipes before the time comes. My goal is to recover with minimal gain and not have a muffin top when it’s over. Weight loss requires a balance of calories in versus calories out. I can’t control the movement, but I can control the intake. I’ve done it before, I can do it again!