I will be forever grateful for the thorough beat down my soul (and psyche) took during an early morning staffing session three years ago. It was one of those “WTF” mornings that you can’t just bounce back from. I average two drinks per year and by 5:30am, I was ready to hit Happy Hour! Even though “reason” advised me to let the negative experience go, it was rehashed over and over again like a broken record and I allowed it to control the remainder of my day. I continuously played various scenarios out in my head as if I could go back in time and change the outcome. The good news is the experience jolted me right out of complacency, and into my destiny. I’d been in hibernation far too long.
My immediate circle is always stunned when I share similar struggles to theirs that weigh me down. They view me as tenacious, always working towards a goal without being deterred by the complexities of life, like others they know. I’m human, and always suffer from an extended hibernation season that proceeds a decision. The harder the decision, the longer I marinate. However, once I FINALLY make a decision, I give at 100% of my effort. It’s a waste of time if I don’t, and my time is limited. This day, however, was the day I decided to stop being afraid. I’d gotten divorced and any financial decision immobilized my fragile mind. I no longer had the back up income to save the day if all hell broke loose, and at times I feel like a “hell” magnet!
“What if’s” hounded me at every turn, permeating me with doubts. Especially the “what if” making the wrong decision costs money that I couldn’t afford to lose. I lived in constant fear of not being able to pay my mortgage or take care of other emergencies if I didn’t choose the right option. Today my level of pissed-off-ness over-ruled my fear and changed the tune of my mental broken record. Within one week I’d made a decision, scheduled an appointment with an Advisor to learn about out my options for obtaining my Life Coach Certification, and enrolled in the program. I never looked back. That particular jolt took a long time coming, but it was right on time. I began to stop living my fears and CHOSE to live my dreams! It’s a beautiful thing!
I’ve never been interested in climbing the Corporate Ladder. It’s not that I’m unmotivated, fraternizing with the enemy has never appealed to me. I dislike the image of trying to pry the grunge from my soul at the end of each day, only for it to resurface on next. For me personally, the amount of money received is not always worth the emotional investment. Don’t misunderstand, I know management is often forced to make decisions they might not necessarily agree with, and often have no choice but to be the conductor of bad news. The longer I live, the more I value the presence of peace in my life and as such my decisions are shaped with that goal in mind.
There is, however, a thrill associated with climbing my own personal ladder! I’d been marinating in the same position for a while, afraid of the unknown and the structure had started to disintegrate beneath me. I took a deep breath and peeled myself away from the expectations of my safety net, stretching on tiptoe for the next rung to reshape my future. The structure, though worn and creaky, held under the weight of my dreams and I began to advance. While I am still a work in progress and the climb is exhausting, the decision to take control of my life has been worth the violations on my personal life necessary to achieve success.
I have to come clean. Cranky is definitely a characteristic of the Cancer’s (Zodiac Sign) diverse personality. For me, that split personality shows when I’m beyond the normal levels of exhaustion and hunger. This happens weekly with working my 4am shifts, so at least I have a halfway decent excuse. Like the skin splitting heat of the blazing Arizona sun, being forced out of my bed at 3am is something I’ve never gotten used to after almost six years! I’ve recently had an epiphany, however. When I am on a one way road following destiny, I am oblivious to the temper tantrums performed by my stomach and eyelids.
Today was the perfect example. I’ve just completed my two early shifts back to back, and normally I am summoning all of the spirits to hold me upright by Friday at 1pm (really by 10am but I have to continue the torture for another three hours). Yesterday, however, I ran errands after work and then painfully shopped for an acceptable outfit to wear at today’s photo shoot for Kerry Magazine! Kerry Magazine is a new type of magazine that uses real women as models and encourages you to feel beautiful as you are right now (with or without make-up!). I’m honored to be one of the five feminine and fierce Entrepreneurs featured in her upcoming Summer issue!
Although the days leading up to the event were long distance marathons, my split personality did not make her usual untimely appearance. Normally she emerges suddenly out of nowhere, sticking her foot in her mouth as she makes her grand entrance! Today I only vaguely remember thinking “I’m hungry” well past my normal snack hour and fatigue did not attempt a take-over until much later. The road to success always requires sacrifice.
I levitated high above the duo (hunger and fatigue), transported to Cloud Nine by the presence of magnificent souls traveling down the same entrepreneurial path as myself. I was in unfamiliar territory, totally relaxed with the ability to be who I really am without concern of judgement. When I slow-dance completely in tune and totally engrossed with destiny, the crankster has no pathway for entry. She is completely over-ruled by peace!
Any other Cancers in the house? Do you agree or disagree with this break down of our diverse personality?