As I took in and sifted through info while attending my Landmark transformational seminar, I experienced an awakening. It was one of several breakthroughs experienced over the 3.5 day AMAZING seminar! In spite of various self-help programs participated in that inspired growth of epic proportion over the last century, I’d overlooked (or maybe wasn’t ready for?) something important. While proud of the huge increase in my level of communication skills and willingness to agree to disagree (when I needed to be right all the time in the past), I’d unintentionally participated in fraudulent activity.
I wasn’t satisfied in a few key relationships in my life, but didn’t share how they were occurring for me. I’d attempt to bring up my challenge, and would then shut down in frustration when I couldn’t effectively get my point across. Because I was already always listening in the past (listening only to respond but not actually HEARING what was being said), the new version of me post self-help groups overcompensated. The pendulum swung too far to the left and I no longer expressed myself. This was a hard pill to swallow and I realized I had taken a backward step directly into the victim mentality. In the end, it seemed easier to keep the peace.
The reality was highly disappointing. Based on my open mind and willingness to change, I assumed I would be able to communicate with anyone and everyone. What I’ve learned is that I can’t expect others to react to my training simply because I’ve placed value on the opposite opinion and became willing to agree to disagree and move on. I can have an opinion but I don’t know what’s right for others. The last time I checked, I was not GOD. Once this epiphany downloaded, I was encouraged to cease the fraudulent activity by finally speaking my truth in the areas needed. Although the hope was that after expressing myself fully I could create new, authentic relationships, that didn’t happen (thankfully we were warned of this ahead of time). I did experience that level of completeness after speaking my unsaid, however. Emotional weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying was immediately lifted! I guess it’s true what Iyanla VanZant says, “you have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there!”