35 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship By Lolly DaskalPresident and CEO, Lead From Within @LollyDaskal

No relationship is perfect, in the personal or the business sphere. But for the most part, a good relationship makes you feel secure, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself.

On the other side of the coin are toxic relationships–the ones that make you feel drained, depleted, and sometimes even distraught.

Whether you’re running a business, working with a partner, leading an organization, or managing a team, the last thing you need is a toxic relationship.

 

Here are some signs to help you recognize a toxic relationship:

 

1. All take, no give.  Any relationship in which you experience withdrawals of energy without deposits will leave you in the negative.

2. Feeling drained. If, instead of feeling happy and productive, you’re always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it’s time to re-evaluate.

3. Lack of trust. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas: You can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.

4. Hostile atmosphere. Constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be around hostility because it makes you feel unsafe.

5. Occupied with imbalance. A one-sided relationship can never run smoothly.

 

6.  Constant judgment. In judgmental relationships, criticism is not intended to be helpful but rather to belittle.

7. Persistent unreliability. Mutual reliability is important to building trust and is at the core of any good relationship.

8. Nonstop narcissism. If the other party’s interest in the relationship is really just a reflection of him or herself, it’s impossible to achieve any kind of balance.

9. Loaded with negative energy. It’s almost impossible for anything positive to come out of a relationship filled with negativity.

10.  Lack of communication. Without communication, there is no relationship. Period.

 

11. Continuous disrespect. Mutual respect is the first requirement of a good partnership.

12.  Mutual avoidance. If you spend your time avoiding each other, that tells you all you need to know.

13.  Insufficient support. If you cannot turn to each other, is there a reason to be in the relationship?

14. Ceaseless control issues.  If one person is in control, or a constant tug-of-war is going on, you’re probably spending too much energy navigating the relationship.

15. Never-ending drama. Good relationships improve your life; they don’t make it messier.

LOVE IS YOUR PARTNER YOUR SOUL MATE Text Background Word Cloud Concept

LOVE IS YOUR PARTNER YOUR SOUL MATE Text Background Word Cloud Concept

16. Persistent self-betrayal. If you find yourself changing your opinions to please someone else, you’re in a damaging relationship.

17. Constant challenges. All relationships go through challenges, but good relationships work through them.

18. Feelings of unworthiness. It’s an insidious thing negative relationships do: They leave you feeling you don’t deserve any better.

19. Vibes of entrapment. Is the other person a positive force in your life, or are you there because you don’t see any way out?

20. Always undermining. If a relationship can’t be reassuring, it’s failing a crucial test.

 

21. Empty pretense. Smiles don’t always mean everything is OK.

22. Packed with uncertainty. When nothing is sure, forward movement feels impossible.

23. Brimming with envy. Partners are never equal in all aspects, but that should be a source of strength, not of a source of disruptive envy.

24. Shortage of autonomy. Anyone in any relationship should have the right to say no.

25. Permeates victimhood. You can’t move onto the future if you’re tied to someone who’s still stuck in the past.

26. Diminishes your self-worth. When you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge your value, it can be hard to see it yourself.

27. Laced with dishonesty. Every lie between partners undercuts a little bit of the relationship.

28. Makes you unhappy. If someone is constantly making you unhappy, you owe it to yourself to let that person go.

29. Feels uncomfortable. Sometimes your mind needs more time to discover what your heart already knows.

 

30. Lowers your high standards. Toxic relationships can cause us to slowly begin accepting what was once not acceptable.

31. Senses stagnant. Growth and learning are vital, and you can’t afford to be cut off from them.

32. Cuts corners. Nothing is ever worth cutting corners, or accepting anything that is second rate.

33. Filled with criticism. A nonstop barrage of criticism never helped anyone improve; it’s not about making things better but boosting the critic’s ego.

34. Brings out the worst. If you are constantly being your worst, you cannot be your best self.

35. Cannot do anything right. If you cannot do anything right, maybe the relationship is all wrong.

Relationships are important, and a toxic relationship can cost you dearly in time and energy that you could be putting to much better use.

Stay true to yourself and your values, listen to your heart, and be strong if you need to extricate yourself from a toxic relationship.

PUBLISHED ON: JAN 25, 2016- The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

Toxic work cultures make Best Employees Quit- Published on June 11, 2019 Brigette Hyacinth

Whenever a boss acts like a dictator – shutting down, embarrassing, or firing anyone who dares to challenge the status quo – you’ve got a toxic workplace problem. And that’s not just because of the boss’ bad behavior, but because that behavior creates an environment in which everyone is scared, intimidated and often willing to throw their colleagues under the bus, just to stay on the good side of the such bosses.

A toxic company culture will erode an organization by paralyzing its workforce, diminishing its productivity and stifling creativity and innovation. Now more than ever business leaders need to be addressing issues of workplace toxicity. It makes the difference in retaining good staff and also whether your company fails or succeeds. Employees aren’t afraid to jump ship when faced with a toxic workplace—and it’s usually your high performers who will go first.

The biggest concern for any organization should be when their most passionate people become quiet.

10 Signs your workplace culture is Toxic

  • Company core values do not serve as the basis for how the organization functions.
  • Employee suggestions are discarded. People are afraid to give honest feedback.
  • Micromanaging -Little to no autonomy is given to employees in performing their jobs.
  • Blaming and punishment from management is the norm.
  • Excessive absenteeism, illness and high employee turn over.
  • Overworking is a badge of honor and is expected.
  • Little or strained interaction between employees and management.
  • Gossiping and/or social cliques.
  • Favoritism and office politics.
  • Aggressive or bullying behavior.

What’s the cure for a toxic work culture?

While toxic work cultures are the end result of many factors, it’s generally a combination of poor leadership and individuals who perpetuate the culture. It starts with those at the top. Leaders must show – Respect, Integrity, Authenticity, Appreciation, Empathy and Trust.

Toxicity in the workplace is costly. Unhappy or disengaged employees cost companies billions of dollars each year in lost revenues, settlements and other damages. Once you identify the major problems by gathering information. Develop a plan and follow through. It may mean training, moving or simply getting rid of bad bosses who are the root cause of toxicity in the work place. Show employees you care and are committed to improving their workplace environment. Your employees can be your greatest asset but it all depends on how you treat them.

Sadly, if you do not cure the cancer in the root of the tree, not only with the branches and leaves die; but so will the tree.

 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/toxic-work-cultures-make-best-employees-quit-brigette-hyacinth/

51 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship: Toxic connections ring multiple alarms if partners can only hear them. Posted Feb 10, 2015 by Alice Boyes Ph.D. In Practice

 

Today, we look at the flipside—warning signs of a toxicr elationship. While many relationships may display one or two of these, toxic relationships will often feature multiple alarm bells.

My all-time most popular post on PsychologyToday.com is about 50 signs of a healthy relationship.

Where I’ve written your partner read it as, you or your partner.

Relationship Warning Signs

  1. You never turn to each other for emotional support. You look to other people first.
  2. Your partner actively tries to cut you off from your support network of friends and family.
  3. Your partner implies that you are stupid, or that they are “the smart one” in the relationship; they try to dissuade you from trying something new because “you probably won’t understand it.”
  4. Your partner doesn’t respect your answer when you say “no” to something.
  5. Your partner implies that they only value you for one thing, whether it be sex, your looks, or your ability to earn money.
  6. You can’t identify any ways you’ve positively influenced each other. For example, you haven’t adopted any of each other’s interests or taught each other any new skills.
  7. You can identify ways you’ve negatively influenced each other, particularly harmful habits like heavy drinking, laziness, or smoking.
  8. Your partner doesn’t make you feel good about your body; they point out your thinning hair or saggy underarm skin.
  9. You don’t have a sense of relationship security—you’ve broken up or almost broken up numerous times.
  10. You end up doing things you’re ashamed of in the course of interacting with each other, such as screaming at each other in front of your kids.
  11. Your partner is dismissive of your emotions, especially fear, such as when you say you’re scared because they drive too fast or erratically but they won’t slow down.
  12. Your partner involves you in unethical activities, such as lying on official forms you both sign.
  13. You feel worse about yourself as a person than when you started the relationship—you’re less confident and can see fewer positive qualities about yourself.
  14. You don’t feel able to get your partner’s attention when you want to talk about something important.
  15. Your partner mocks you, such as poking fun at your voice or facial expressions in a mean way.
  16. Your partner doesn’t seem interested when you experience success, or they belittle your success.
  17. You don’t feel able to confide in your partner. If you were to reveal something that you’re sensitive about, you’re not sure if they’d react respectfully or helpfully.
  18. Your partner makes jokes about leaving you or teases you about what their “second” wife or husband will be like.
  19. When you’re not physically together, it feels like “out of sight, out of mind.” For example, your partner is on an international trip and says they’ll call when they arrived safely at the hotel but doesn’t follow through.
  20. When you and your partner disagree, they insist you do things their way or leave. It’s their way or the highway, and you don’t have a sense that when you disagree you’ll find a way of coming together.
  21. You’re not sure how dependable, supportive, or reliable your partner would be in a situation in which you really needed them; for example, if you or a close family member got cancer.
  22. You blame your partner for your life not being as satisfying as you’d like it to be—or they blame you.
  23. Your partner is dismissive of your interests and projects. They judge the things you do by how important they perceive them to be, rather than how important they are to you.
  24. Stonewalling. You or your partner flat-out refuse to talk about important relationship topics, such as the decision to have a baby.
  25. You don’t think your partner would make a good parent.
  26. There are times you avoid coming home because going to Starbucks, or a bar, is more relaxing after a stressful day than coming home to your partner.
  27. Your life together seems out of control; for example, you both spend much more than you earn.
  28. You can’t think of ways in which you and your partner make a great team.
  29. Your partner is the source of negative surprises, such as large unexpected charges on your joint credit card.
  30. You catch your partner lying repeatedly.
  31. Your partner goes out but doesn’t tell you where, or fails to arrive home when expected and has no explanation.
  32. You worry that your partner might get so angry they’d hurt you.
  33. You have a sense of being trapped in the relationship.
  34. When you argue, one or both of you always just gets defensive. You can never acknowledge that the other person has some valid points.
  35. When you argue, you just blame each other rather than each accepting some blame.
  36. You’re very critical of each other, and you feel constantly nitpicked about the ways you’re not “good enough.”
  37. Your partner complains about you to their friends or family.
  38. You find yourself lying to other people because you’re ashamed of your partner’s behavior; for example, making excuses for why they haven’t shown up to an event as planned.
  39. You feel lonely when you’re together.
  40. If you had to rate your partner on a scale of 1 to 10 on qualities like warmth, trustworthiness, and dependability, you would rate them lower than 5.
  41. You can’t recall a time when your partner has compromised so that you could take up an opportunity.
  42. There is an absence of affection in your relationship—you rarely kiss, touch, or smile at each other.
  43. Your partner is coercive when it comes to sex.
  44. Your partner sees themselves as having a much higher “mate value” than you. They think you’re lucky to have them, but not the reverse.
  45. Your partner keeps you at arms length emotionally. You don’t have a healthy sense of interdependence.
  46. Your partner frequently compares you unfavorably to other people, especially friends’ spouses or partners.
  47. When you argue, it quickly escalates to ultimathreats—“If you don’t …, I’ll …”
  48. You can think of several friends or colleagues whom you’d rather be in a relationship with.
  49. Cheating.
  50. The other “C” word, “Crazy.” If you call each other “crazy” during arguments, it’s a pretty bad sign. It shows that you’re no longer willing to listen to each other’s point of view because you’ve written it off as irrational.
  51. Relationship violence.

 

Note: This post was influenced by various scientific models of relationships, including work on Emotion Focused Therapy, Gottman Therapy, and Garth Fletcher’s Ideal Standards Model.

Enjoy entire article at:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201502/51-signs-unhealthy-relationship

5 Signs You’re Actually the Toxic One in a Friendship (Goalcast.com)

 

If you’ve ever had a toxic friend, you know just how difficult and draining it can be.

There are different kinds of toxicity, from energy vampires all the way to the far end where the abusers, narcissists and sociopaths exist. But every kind of toxic person creates a burden that can be difficult to overcome.

 

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But what about when the problem is not the other person but it’s you?

Sometimes, when toxicity is more subtle, like the overbearing negativity of someone who has recently had their dreams crushed or the miserable loner who takes the anger they feel for their ex out on everyone they meet, it’s hard to notice.

Plus, toxicity is contagious, and when you’re infected, you become toxic yourself.

You may have noticed your friends distancing themselves from you recently, maybe one of them has even called you out directly. Maybe you can recall a few times where you’ve talked down to them out of frustration.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whatever the case, you need to look for the signs that you might, in fact, be the toxic one in the relationship so you can make a change.

1. You only ever want to talk about yourself

What do you talk about when you converse with your friends? Do you know what your friends are up to or do you only ever seem to want to talk about your own business and never ask how they’re doing?

Selfishness is one of the subtlest and hardest forms of toxicity to detect in ourselves because it’s natural for us as human beings to care primarily about ourselves.

However, if all you ever want to talk about is yourself and you never take interest in your friend’s life, you might actually be the toxic one.

2. You keep using your friends to fulfill your own wants and desires

Do you use your friends to experience the things you like and want to do, just so you’ll have someone around to experience it with?

Do you only ever invite your friends when there’s something you want to do or desire to get so that they can all help you have more fun, without ever asking them what they’d like to do?

If that’s you, you’re using those friends to make you feel better about the deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and low self-worth. Everything you do is an attempt to fulfill what you believe is a missing puzzle piece– to go to the bar to meet someone, go on an expensive trip to find yourself, or enjoy something you bought to make you feel good about your “accomplishment.”

But that piece will never be found because nothing was ever missing. Instead, you need to look within yourself to realize your own worth before you push away the very people who are there to support you.

3. You’re always talking about what’s wrong

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If all you ever talk about is what’s wrong– with you, with them, or the world– you’re being a negative influence and a toxic friend.

I’ve had friends in the past who only ever wanted to talk about negative things that have happened to them or are happening in the world. They’re not purposely demeaning you or trying to bring you down, they just have a generally negative outlook that permeates everything they do and it will infect you if you let it.

But if you think that might be you then you need to look closely at your life– what you tend to talk and think about– to find out whether you need to fix your perspective and what could be causing it.

4. You discourage them from following their dreams and goals

A lot of us have become discouraged and defeated by life. It’s only natural. Life is tough and it takes a lot of courage to stand up to our challenges and come out the other side standing.

But often, when this happens, it makes us resentful of anyone else who is out to follow their own dreams because we gave up on our own, even going as far as trying to verbally sabotage our friends, telling them that there’s no point trying.

They’ll just fail, after all.

“You might as well just go for that comfortable corner office job in XYZ,” you might say or, “almost no one ever makes it doing that,” you pronounce to their discouragement.

If that’s you, I hate to break it to you, but you’re being a bad friend. You need to first find your own passion for life again, and then work to encourage and motivate your friends to do the same.

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5. You only call when you have a problem and want to vent

Someone close to me has this problem right now. Several of their friends only ever contact them when they have an issue they need to get off of their chest.

These same friends will miss important get-togethers and never call to check up on them at any point. But when they have a problem? They come ringing every time hoping to talk their ear off.

If this sounds like you, you might need to reevaluate your friendship– and your priorities.


 

https://www.goalcast.com/2018/08/17/5-signs-youre-toxic-one-friendship/