At times I’ve wanted to help my offspring return to the soil they came from. It doesn’t matter the age of the child, parents everywhere have probably experienced this phenomenon. The role “parent” is one of the hardest assignments I’ve ever taken on, and it really doesn’t pay enough. In fact, once they reach adult form we should receive an automatic raise. I’d love to be compensated for the trauma received during the on the job training. It’s also not uncommon for parents to want appreciation for holding space during those seasons the rebel was stuck on stupid. Unfortunately, that isn’t always a reality and may never happen at all.
That very expectation has caused challenges for me. Another assumption was that they would at least consider my viewpoint before (or even after) making challenging decisions simply because I’ve been on this earth longer (and have the scars to prove it). I am extremely proud that while negative experiences shaped my original broken form, after becoming a parent I realized the important of enlisting the help of mentors to assist with smoothing away the rough edges. Growth was a choice for me, one they might never come to know or even appreciate. I’ve come to realize that my peace has to stem from patting myself on my own back, not from validation that may never come.
Truth be told, I am a better version of myself simply because of them. Their presence lit a fire under me and I would not be who I am today if they were not created. I owe who I am today, to them. A person of strength, character, wisdom, and so much more. For this reason alone, I need to remember that my feelings aren’t facts.
While I can’t control the decisions my children make (nor do I want to because I REALLY want to live my own life, for the first time in my life), my prayers today include asking God to help me be what I need to be for my children (and those around me). I don’t always know what that is, but I do know that I did the best I could as a parent with the information I had at the time. That’s enough, and so am I.