A Journey of Self-Discovery

Prefer
Like most, I’ve had my share of life-hacks I prefer to have lived without, but admittedly inspired maturity that otherwise might not have happened. My autobiography, Renewal Of The Mind; The Upside To Schizophrenia,  speaks to how my son’s diagnosis not only shifted his mindset but altered my mental makeup as well. My new approach to life was obtained by humbling myself in rooms of groups like Al-Anon, AA, self-improvement seminars, a cluttered library of self-help books, and years of psycho-speak. All of these represented support I didn’t think I needed until faced with something I couldn’t control. Years of digging deep lead to an excavation of my own internal decayed parts, a process as radical as the voices in his head.

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Not only was my family tree pruned, but like second-hand smoke, my education bled into the outside world and seeped into the relationships around me. Some improved simply because I chose too, others were eliminated because they weren’t in my best interest. There were parts that didn’t change, however. I’m still extremely nerdy, preferring quiet seclusion to a crowd without a purpose (that interests me), speak too much out of nervous energy at times, and at age 52, still, prefer jeans and a sweatshirt to red carpet attire.  I will always pass on high heels as I routinely trip in my mind simply watching other women wear them. Not a fan of pain, or of risking injury to my feet which will lead to my inability to have mountain therapy. I also see no need to spend money on shoes I can only wear five minutes at a time, entering social events, only to remove once seated. No thanks, lol….

highheels

Writing my story also lead to an unexpected end to a ten-year journey of self-discovery. There wasn’t a lot left to unpack based on years of support groups and a mentor of 11 years, but one area in my life still required fine-tuning. Interacting with the opposite sex is a hot topic I will elaborate more on in my book. Finding dignity and my purpose through writing was like hitting the lottery!  While not even close to perfection, I’m definitely now a complete woman! I’ve learned it had nothing to do with who I am on the outside, but everything to do with who I am on the inside….

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